I'm approaching middle age now. I'm overweight (but still built), hair thinning, fashion doesn't make a bit of difference to me unless I'm up for a professional engagement so I go out of the house looking like I'm going shooting or going to work on a car - girls no longer keep their guard up around me anymore as if to say "oh, it's just some old guy, don't pay any attention to him, anyways as you were saying, Candice?"
Given that I've been married now for almost 9 years to a woman who's not a girly girl but still a pretty girl, and after a degree in psychology blah blah blah - and girls just ignore me and go about their business and I'm too old to play their games, I've figured out a lot more than I knew when I was younger.
Obviously there isn't a rule for every woman or man that fits all. But a few things are common or general.
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| (Not the *real* me) |
One of which is - all that makeup girls wear?
It isn't so you'll look at them.
No.
They have worse esteem and confidence issues than guys do.
They put on makeup so you DON'T see THEM. It is so you see what they want you to see. The entire dress-up and go-out deal is a facade. You probably aren't going to even know who you're dating or going out with for the first few times.
As for the nerdy guys who can't get a girl? If you're one of those guys - enjoy what you do dude. Be yourself. Somewhere out there is a nerdette who will love you for all your glorious nerdiness and even add to it and bring some of her own along. There's someone for everyone.
So why are guys dumb?
Well, for one - like the nerdy guy. There is something to be said for having class and being socially acceptable - but trying to become such so that a girl will like you isn't a really good reason to change who you are. Unfortunately, a lot of guys do this - trying to change for a girl.
Let me whip out a little 'cology' here - the PSY-cology type of 'cology.'
When humans interact, they do so through a number of filters - none of which is purely accurate - especially when dealing with the opposite gender. In terms of a conversation:
There's:
what you think you're saying.
what you think they think you're saying.
what you think they think you think you're saying.
what they think you think you're saying.
What they think you think they think you're saying.
And on and on.
Add the fact that men and women speak entirely different languages and - well - you get the picture.
So trying to become sociable because you think that's what a girl likes - good luck dude. Especially if you're socially inept to begin with. Your perceptions are gonna be a bit skewed. You're becoming your perception of what you see you think she likes and you're going to miss the mark.
But what does this have to do with guys being dumb?
Guys live in their own little world. They take things at face value. Also with guys, what you see is what you get. And they think that after a few dates - saying "I love you" is going to win them the prize.
No....it won't.
Girls like to test guys - and the tests? Aren't even that hard if you're paying attention (unless she's psychotic). This is why I say guys are dumb.
What's her favorite color?
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| Hot Nerdy Girls....they are out there.... |
What makes her relax?
What's her favorite hobby?
Where did she grow up?
What's her big dream in life?
What's her greatest fear?
And what are you going to do about it and where do you fit in with it all?
No, really.
If guys wake up and step outside themselves for just a moment, they will probably find all this has been revealed to them already and they weren't even paying attention. They are completely clueless and have just been enjoying themselves and then they go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you."
And why are girls dumb? Because they settle.
The honestly believe when a guy finally "loves" them and he isn't what they want, that nobody else will ever love them and they'd better go with it so they don't miss out - meanwhile they aren't happy to begin with.
That's what I meant about the self esteem and confidence issues worse than men.
So what to do about it guys?
Be yourself.
Improve yourself.
Drive yourself.
Don't wait for a woman to tell you what to do or how to be. Do it yourself. Be a man of your own destiny. And if you want the girl - you'll take a genuine interest in her and if she's interested - she'll let you know and go after her - and if it doesn't work - well - go try again somewhere else.
My point? It's a lot easier than it looks. (We met in February, were engaged in March, Married in June, and almost divorced a hundred times in the years after that and have three kids!)
And if it's too hard? Well....try somewhere else.
Love, marriage and relationships are enough work without starting out having to work your butt off to begin with. If its right - you'll know. If she's the one - you'll be genuinely interested and you'll pass the tests. And if a girl's smart - she won't be hanging around guys she has to test to see if or demonstrate whether he truly knows her.
And they will go on to live a fabulous life together.
